50 effective ways to impress upon others that you work,.. with out doing (cont)

48. One of the blessings of becoming old, is insomnia, you involuntarily become an early riser and if you have compiled my advises in to a bible and following it religiously then, there is nothing left for you to do at home.(I understand, each evening must be depressing you and you would do anything to trade off all the nights before retirement to all days after retirement.)Reach office before time (I know you want to reach before the Sun is up or may be in the middle of the night itself, please control yourself...) and the only thing which should concern you is the list of young officers who are coming late. Issue a warning letter without delay. Don't miss any opportunity to brag about your dedication to work and punctuality.

50 effective ways to impress upon others that you work.. with out doing (cont)

46. If advice at point 45 is not effective then you can extend the hospitality of some wild adventure trips of gherao, manhandling etc, (these sports have been included in the adventure sporting list lately for govt officials ).But, God forbid your junior out smarts you and escapes the arrangement, you have every right to feel offended. Such arrogant juniors need to be tamed. (How dare he not die, when you want him killed? How rude and arrogant.). Immediately brand him arrogant and condemn his inefficiency and system of working, embed on to your seniors that, but for your efforts to control the mob he would have been manhandled, and now he should be transferred for his own good. And in case you successfully get him manhandled, then you should claim that,despite all your sincere efforts mob did not stop, manhandling the inefficient and non performer junior of yours and therefore he should be transferred for his own good.

47. Most of the juniors learn their lesson well in one transfer. But there are certain others who are late learners and continue working. It is your moral duty to keep an eye on them because all the 45 ways stated above are NOT FOOL proof. One fool working anywhere at young age and allowed to be continued, will spoil the work culture and basic standard of work expected, may rise. Therefore before he joins the new station, send a word ahead. And the new boss should take upon himself to carry forward the crusade where you left.And yes! don't forget to add, that"the junior is a useless fellow giving him any worthwhile task is useless, he is not fit for any job. I had to handle everything here all by myself."

50 effective ways to impress upon others that you work.... with out doing (Part II)

40. Dye your hair 'grey'. This has dual advantage;

1. Suddenly you will be regarded as an "expert" in your field of work....OH! ..please don't get frightened!! you don't have to update or actually know the subject..greying your hair is sufficient.Worried about being caught? please, don't worry, what ever you will blabber will be THE EXPERT advice.All seniors around you have by now become 'seasoned' and would be unable to judge a thing.Therefore in order to impress that, they too are following, will nod their heads vehemently and as far as the dangerous tribe goes.. yah! you got it, the new entrants, DON'T ALLOW THEM TO SPEAK.
2.If you have been religiously following my blog, by now you must have earned the reputation of being THE most efficient, intelligent, dynamic, outstanding, hardworking......complete the list yourself, (No.. no it's your hard work you don't have to thank me.) and greying your hair will be like a final stamp on the government document.

41. The nice part of government working is "the old guys who are about to retire and have no stake in the organization have all the powers to make policy decisions affecting the future of the new entrants who have all the stake in the organisation and no say in the policy matter ", take advantage of that... do everything for these oldies ...remember that adam's anthem "every thing I do,I do it for you.." and yes never miss a chance to sing it too..

42. If your Boss is obsessed with his knowledge and achievements, then you have to change your daily schedule to following:
1. Every morning, as soon as you reach office first go to the "temple of knowledge", yes. your boss's office.Then sit in his office listen to all sermons like a new enthusiastic, recent convert and do not leave his side unless real compelling reasons take over.
2.Remember you are always under training.

43. If you have a disturbed family life then you have one of the vital ingredients of being a dynamic officer. You can spend all your time in the office until late, a solace away from home and at the same time get appreciated for working so hard for the organisation.

44. Yah! Implementing above suggestion will be more comfortable if you get some company at office...No problem ...your junior!...forgotten him..you have to train him. Make it a point to humiliate him for not working as hard as you are doing. Ask him to stay in the office till you do not leave your office. Another, more amicable way of keeping him in the office for company is rather simple. Just when the office hours are about to get over, call him for a meeting...and you know meetings can be like chewing gums stretch them as long as you please....(after some time his family life will also get disturbed and you can make a team of efficient and dynamic officers.)

45. Befriend Union leaders. Appease them, please them, buy them or adopt them, do what ever but they should sing praises for you and complaint about your junior.Occasionally ask these adopted dads of yours to write a corruption complaints against your junior. This will restrain your junior's unnecessary and troublesome growth. If despite all your efforts he still manages to work, then increase the number of occasions for above complaints till he is transfered out. (foot note: Any hardworking Junior who can out shine you is a real threat, and a pest, there is only one solution ..."eradicate him ")

50 effective ways to impress upon others that you work.... with out doing

Preface

These are strictly restricted to govt departments, any resemblance to working in private organisation is absolutely accidental.

Recruitment in the service is generally a very detailed procedure and the training is well designed,in couple of years the performance of all the candidates get at par with each other rounding off to the lowest performer.One or two slow learners either comfortably move out of govt fold or remain frustrated.
This is an attempt to help these slow learners, your contributions will be highly appreciated.

These guidelines are for such misfits who attempt to work in govt and in the process get frustrated..
1. FIRST and foremost NEVER WORK.
Never work during the office hours. Start reading your files during lunch and instantly call your junior for discussion, if your junior has left for lunch,call at residence make him feel guilty about taking lunch, impress upon him, how can he indulge in such mundane active when so much needs to be done.With a frustrated tone hang up by saying "finally I have to do everything".

2. Similarly start working after office hours and start visiting your boss after office hour with files.

3. Never look relaxed always look tense and busy.

4. Call frequent meetings , don’t get discouraged about the nil out come…. remember your aim is to "IMPRESS that you work" .But if you have qualms about conducting one take these tips ;
1.Come at least one hour late in the meeting look busy…. remember that is of utmost importance.
2.Then drag on the points of least importance .
3.Prepare one area of discussion and give sermons on the same...remember don't allow others to speak.
4.At the end warn your juniors that they are not working hard.
5.And just when meeting is about to end start a new topic.

5. Always keep your PC on with some dumb reports and data.

6. Don’t meet visitors on first occasion they should have attempted at least thrice before being allowed to have your gracious presence...

7. In govt you have the luxury of many subordinates from whom you can get all the work and some times official too.
Make your juniors work for you.
CAUTION ; never allow them anywhere near the top boss, monopolize the top boss and on convenient occasions brief him about junior's inefficiencies and that you are trying your best to make best out of the useless person your subordinate is. In fact you have to pull at all levels, but for you, the place would come down.

8. Never ever even try suggesting any innovative idea to your boss. Always admire him with stars in your eyes even when he proposes most stupid way of execution of work.

9 Daily practice is required for 15 mins; In front of the mirror expressions of...awe, bewilderment and words of appreciation. Don’t forget to tell him on every alternate day how much you have learnt from him and are in the process of doing so.

10. Most important; visit your boss at his home regularly and be ready to do any thing for him. Get adjusted in their household so much so that they no longer need a pet and a house help.

11.Importance of marriage can be best appreciated by a govt servant.A govt servant cannot do without a wife.If you are a bachelor you can not effectively convey /project yourself in the department .

12If you have a smart obedient wife you are successful . Ask your wife to join ladies club ( different org have different names.) you must assuage the ego of the boss in the office and your wife should become indispensable at their household with boss’s wife.Boss’s wife should find her a perfect "Praja”

13. Train your wife so that she spends more time with your boss’s wife than you. And on appropriate but regular intervals conveys how much time you spend at office and how much you admire your boss .

14.Come much before the expected time in the morning but do not commit the mistake of working and dispensing file. Remember your table should always be crowded with files.

15. Make your junior come before you & leave after you .

16. Always call your junior’s subordinates directly, treat them with great respect, pamper them and tacitly convey that they should come directly to you.

17.On suitable occasions and audience of such subordinates, fire your immediate junior and act as if hell has fallen and but for you things had gone to dust …conclusion your junior is useless , his subordinates should not respect or confide in him. Ultimate boss is one .

18. Have no secrets about your private life from your boss and his wife . Make them feel that without them not only office you cannot run your personal life too.

19 Do not let your subordinate have any personal life. Ask them to enter office well before 8 and leave after 8 and them come back at 9 to see what's to be done tomorrow.

20. Take care of your subordinates week end .Make it a practice to come on Saturdays
and convention to work on Sundays.

21. Personal assistant provided by the govt are big assets, donot treat them like officers, treat them with respect. They share your secrets and help establishing you as the most efficient and dynamic officer. You can train him for following;
Leave for lunch when lunch gets over train your PA to answer every call for you ….’Sahib bas abhi abhi gaye hain , kaam itna tha ki veh lunch bhi naihi kar paye”(Sir , has JUST left for lunch , there was so much of work that he could not have lunch.) irrespective of whatever time the caller called.

22. Train him well because he is your marketing agent..
If someone comes to visit you he should be so convincing in conveying you business that he should feel guilty of disturbing you at work.
Advertise to everyone from an orderly to officers how much you work and are overloaded with work.

23. Keep track of your Boss. Just when you come to know that your boss is winding up to leave for home rush with a file looking deeply engrossed in it make your boss feel guilty about leaving.

24. Train your wife to always complain publicly about your devotion to work and neglect of the family.

25. BEWARE of the NEW ENTRANTS:
By now you have successfully erased any innovative string, what ever survived the well cut training to eradicate it and your time management has kept you completely barred from developing your self.
.You needn’t fear the top guys, they all are as eroded from the top as much as you are ,perhaps more, but real caution is to be exercised from the new comers they are bright and fresh blooming with ideas and zeal to work .Thanks to the induction training they must have done a good job in helping you, what ever is left ,you must work hard for this task .first and foremost dent their zeal to work, work to make them redundant ,no matter what it takes- conspiracy to fail them to negative feedback to all concern. One aspect all top guys who are used to licking shoes of their bosses and getting licked their own will at once agree is -- that the new comers are “ ARROGANT” so encash it without wasting time. To start with-when they join make them stay at place their juniors are entitled and if they protest spread it far and wide that these guys have great expectations, in our times we were not even given this and we concentrated only on work.. And all the existing cadre will readily agree (unity in agreement on above will be remarkably rare one. such unity is witnessed generally on one topic; pay hike /revision of scale by pay commission) they are not to be blamed for they have every reasons to believe some of the reasons are;

1. The new entrants talk in terms of self respect, some thing which is non existent and biggest irritant
2. Secondly they are bright, knows and can do much more than you and guys above .Insecurity should grip you...don't feel guilty insecurity and jealousy are not new to any organisation but yes not generally expected of as senior person as you against the new entrant but what has seniority got to do where talent and ideas are concern. So you have every right to rush them and make every attempt to bring them at least at par with you or and even if you don't succeed in bringing them to such nadir at least bar them from expressing themselves. Therefore first and foremost- don't give him any time for himself to develop further. Follow above tips in the name for training and making them work.( even if there is no work) Thus you will have the backing of all and they will readily believe all that you have to say remember by now you are dynamic officer of your department.
.
3. They will not like to sit in your or your wives durbar …definitely arrogant and if any of them dares to work and shine give him a taste of bureaucracy, make him learn it the hard way.
4. And never forget the key words “I am doing everything my junior is a useless chap”
Donot feel guilty about above you are helping him get trained.

26. In continuation with above keep all information’s about your subordinate ostensible spread via ladies club ‘because you care’ but of course you should not get swayed by such stupid reason it is to keep a close eye that the subordinates should not and never have much to enjoy especially the govt facilities remember they are only and only your and your family, family friends and devoted servants ….prerogatives.

27. Keep especial eye on the youngsters it takes hard work to break their zeal and cutting them from the world so that they come some where near you in IQ and capability.

28 Especial vigilance is required to see that they don't get any chance on developing and updating themselves and by any chance they are using govt machinery to do such a conspiracy against you bloc them all, for example see if they are using govt phone for internet then bloc the internet number from exchange or better still cut the telephone line saying that exchange has technical problem cannot support so many connections and connections needs to be removed from the junior most this will have three positive out comes first as intended suffocate them with in your like closed group and dry up their IQ or any kind of development that is posing threat to you and your colleagues existence as dynamic officers. Secondly your colleagues will feel privileged that their lines are not cut and will be thankful to you Thirdly you can talk about austerity measures and propagate the Idea via your faithful ones and ladies club that “Sir, cares about the nation and its resources see he has bought down the expenditure dramatically with his hard work”Similarly you will find many other ways, above was just by way of an example.

29 .In the name of training send the new comers or relatively younger lot to your departments training institutes where experienced people like you will be called for lectures and enhancing their knowledge that will be great opportunity to give final touches to your project never give them an opportunity to get trained outside. Those places should be reserved for full ripe guys like you who would make best of it by way of saving TA/DA and outing for your family

30 .Follow the time management guidelines already laid previously but to be doubly sure they donot get time to develop themselves form a club and a mess .When you feel that some how you can not call them on any particular week end to office like national holidays (of course otherwise you will I am sure will get all reasons to call them even if there is no work always ---remember work has no relation with spending time in the office)…, throw a party on that particular week end..Of course you are not going to pay make it contributory but that doesn’t stop you from being the chief guest.

31. Make the attendance in above compulsory. It has double advantage one, you are bringing your fresh entrants at par with you secondly you can extend the official hierarchy to the families of the subordinate (more the Praja mightier the rajah). Who says monarchy no longer exist as long as ACR s are there you will be treated as king and your wife as queen .Take particular interest in the sitting arrangement , it should be such that it makes a mughal turn in his grave

32. If someone is irregular or doesn’t attend the party at once shows your displeasure in the office on him in private and in meeting so that it dissuades others from avoiding your durbar.

33. When ever required advice the “arrogant” junior in 30 to become social and why he is asocial it is not good and you are saying so because you are his well wisher. Bad example may encourage many more.

34. Conduct during such parties is of utmost importance. You should compete with the waiter to serve the drinks to your boss (forget about your rank or self respect).Always try to hang around the top boss this will add to your prestige.

35 .Your wife should be well trained by now that she wears the right colour (the wife of the boss approves).And competes with other “wives” who have read my blog and some how should manages to hang around bosses wife …perfect “Praja” laugh when she laughs especially on what ever she cracks and calls a joke ,nodding readily on what ever she says.(tips ; keep a muscle relaxant ready after every party …to apply on your smile muscles) never should your smile wear off and so your lipstick.

36. You are supposed to do the same with your boss and never forget to tell your boss “sir aap tu party main jaan daal dete hain (sir you bring life to a party)...never attended such a party ...earlier bosses were bore you are all rounder... how you do do that”

37. With above tips soon you will find that you and your wife seldom meet and you will be unable to do anything but crave for your home (OFFICE). soon you and your spouse will get anew beginning, need to get introduced with each other but with only difference that you won’t care by now you are one of the most dynamic officer and you do not know what to do at home or alone (alone means your own company .God how can you possibly tolerate your company now especially when your wife and children have already discovered it)There is only one refuge for you and your family Please immediately go to office and call your juniors ..What! Why them..When will you learn …?
of courses in any govt department at any level there is no work that can occupy any efficient man for more than 4 hours what will you do alone ( remember alone means your own company.)And it has many advantages. These advantages mainly comes from the fact that the entire departments IQ has come at par no one even accidentally thinks and especially that there is no relation between time spent and efficiency rather efficiency demands that more effective work in lesser time. But in govt there it only one ingredient in the definition –time spent in office no relation to out put. But it has many advantages
1. You can always boast that how long you work keep others guessing about how much you worked.

2. Raja without Praja is meaningless unless you call them while you are there you being a boss is meaningless.

3. By now you have got the recognition of a hard-working, dynamic officer your spending time at the office is a must to maintain it.

4. You can impress upon your family that without you the organization can come down.

38 .If you get tired sitting doing nothing (any govt servant will appreciate how much hard work it takes to do no work. Then there is one BRAM ASTRA (ultimate weapon) that never fails in impressing upon others that you work without demeaning yourself to actually do so.. “TAKE A ROUND.” This concept is a close relative of MEETING MANIA but much more effective .it has following advantages

1. Takes you out of your regular boring office and gives you a good exercise.

2. Thanks to the departments IQ here again just as they couldn’t relate relationship between staying in office long and work not done they get impressed “Saab tu bahot round lete hain (sir takes lot of rounds) he is very strict with work .” all this and you needn’t disturb govt working it will remain as it was prior to your round.

3. Fire your subordinates that why no rounds are being taken by him when such a senior person as you do and of course at the end never forget to mention in public view to your subordinate “ here no one works I have to do all the things myself .”

39. And by any chance your subordinate has read my blog too then make it a point to take a round when his round finishes and if he has issued any instructions cancel them all .mentioning each time that he has yet to learn a lot and in the process reaffirming who is the boss.